Reflecting back months ago, I literally had to figure out why was I meeting the same type of men. Why is it that all of my relationships or situation-ships were the exact same. I had to accept the hard truth. When I tell you it was hard, I mean it was HARD! Realizing that I was the common denominator in all of the relationships was tough, but I had to be real with myself. Initially, my pride was like "It's them girl, these men don't deserve you!" Although that's partially true lol, I had to be accountable and ask myself what is it within me that are attracting these type of relationships. What energy are you giving off to these men? I honestly thought I was broken or not deserving of a true, genuine, partner or relationship. But God reminded me that I was. That's where the insecurity devil tried to play with me. But any who, the journey of childhood trauma healing started to awaken!
Back story, I participated in a few group therapy sessions where we breakdown generational curses, and recognize things that our parents and grandparents passed along to us. We worked to uncover some of the childhood trauma. I realized addictions, abandonment, abuse, lack of nurturing and emotional insecurities were a common thing in all families. The race didn't matter, and neither did the class. It became more obvious about the lack of nurturing we experienced in childhood and how relevant it was, the role dysfunction within households/marriages; how emotional abandonment was more common than most would think. These group sessions shook up my world and had me start digging deep, and self reflecting on my childhood. Whew child. What I discovered for myself, my childhood, my parents and grandparents was eye opening. I was able to make it make sense as to why I experienced multiple, similar relationships.
Well, here we are, finally having to face ourselves, our younger selves at that. I went to Youtube to figure out where do I start to heal this inner child of mine. When I tell y'all SHXT got real, it got real. I started listening to podcasts about Inner Child Healing and what exactly was Childhood Trauma. Started listening to audibles, researching Inner Child Healing and etc. Now granted, my childhood wasn't horrible, but it wasn't perfect whatsoever. I had to start healing baby Chassidy and learn how to reparent her and make sure she felt seen, loved, and heard. This is a ongoing journey of mine, but we are working on it!
While researching, I found that Childhood Trauma is harbored in the first chakra, which is the primary chakra that is connected to God! This is the base of our whole system, the root chakra. Security and safety are established and housed here. Our inner child is the innocent, joyful, gullible, child-like part of you! When our inner child is wounded, we will display the dysfunction consciously.
To discover if my inner child was wounded, I had to truthfully answer 3 questions:
Do you have childhood trauma? Experiences as a child with abuse-sexual, physical, mental, emotional. Was there dysfunction in your household? For example, did your parents argue or fight often, were you exposed to "adult situations" often, did you have to "grow up fast" and support the household in any kind of way?
Did you feel safe and seen as a child? Did you always feel loved, were you nurtured or cared for as a child? Did you feel like you belong or did you feel like an outsider in your family? How are you relationships as an adult? Do you have a history with affection, intimacy, abandonment issues? How do you handle things in a relationship when things are rocky? Are you emotionally insecure or jealous of your partner?
Are you balanced? Are you controlling? Do you fear abandonment or neglect? Are you needy? Do you have trust issues? Do you have insecurities?
Answering these questions truthfully to myself revealed that my inner child is wounded indeed and needed lots of healing. I looked at some old photographs and tried to reflect back on how I was feeling in that moment, and what was I lacking. I can honestly say things got super emotional and overwhelming, but it had to be done. So here we are, being accountable, healing and doing the work! I can honestly say that I played a major role in my past, but I will not discredit the other person/persons for their actions. We all have childhood trauma and have to be real with ourselves. When you are wounded and date someone that is wounded as well, it's just going to create a toxic, dysfunctional situation. Hurt people hurt people honestly. But the beautiful thing of it all is that, IT'S NEVER TOO LATE TO HEAL! Let's heal that inner child guys!
Happy Healing Loves!
-Chassidy
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