What does it mean to be feminine? Being feminine is usually the softer version of a person, the gentle, vulnerable side. The side of yourself that is able to receive! Men and women both have a feminine and masculine side. Ideally, for a successful relationship one of the partners has to lean more into their masculinity and the other leans more into their femininity. This goes for any type of relationship- heterosexual or homosexual relationships! Let’s be real with ourselves, you can not be in a peaceful relationship where both partners are masculine at all times. That will cause some issues and the partners to bump heads.
For many years, my masculinity outshined my femininity due to childhood trauma, the belief system I was raised with, and past relationships. For the last year, I have been embracing my feminine side more. As I reflected on past relationships, I realized I wasn’t on the receiving end, mainly on the giving end which caused many problems. My partners would feel less than, disrespected, insecure, etc. Which would lead to me hurting them or being hurt. When I honestly recognized how masculine I was, I had to do some inner work and grow from this and learn to receive!
How to tap into your femininity:
1. HEAL. Healing from past traumas is a the #1 source to becoming more feminine. Healing from childhood trauma, past relationships/situations, etc. you need to HEAL babe!
2. Reassessing your beliefs. Determining which beliefs you’d like to keep, whether it’s from family/generational, or new beliefs you’ve acquired; get rid of those you do not want to keep.
A few examples of beliefs are:
The famous quote of a scorn/hurt woman “ALL MEN CHEAT” or “ALL MEN ARE DOGS”.
Genuine love exists.
You can do anything you put your mind to.
Women have to be independent and be able to provide because you can’t depend on the man. He has free will to come and go, and you’re stuck with the kids/parenting!
Men bring home the bacon and women cook it!
Unhappy marriages, we only stay in it because of the kids.
All couples argue.
We have to be strong, don’t show your soft side or be vulnerable because people will use and abuse you.
That’s just a few to name, I can go on and on, but y’all get it! You have the choice to choose what beliefs you’d like to keep and believe and which ones you’d like to let go of! Remember, you re what you think and what you think you become!
3. Receive. Be open and vulnerable to allow someone to pour into you, whether it’s a platonic relationship or romantic. It’s okay to receive compliments, help, attention, love, support, etc. You do not have to be “hard or independent” all the time!
4. Self Care. Cater to yourself in any way possible. Figure out what it is that you love to do and it makes you happy and do it, CONSISTENTLY. Get your hair done, nails done, facials, massages, v-steams, exercise, cook, affirm yourself (y’all know I love affirmations lol), buy yourself flowers, go shopping, take yourself on a date, stretch, do your makeup, spend time with family, etc. Do things to make yourself feel beautiful and like a woman. Dress sexy for yourself, not for validation of others. Wear bright and happy colors! Change your insecurities- get braces/invisalign, get contacts, change your hair, lose weight, upgrade your wardrobe, eat healthy! Invest in yourself. Just fully pour into yourself as much as possible and in every way possible to love yourself.
5. Self reflect. Check your attitude and be accountable. Be real with yourself and ask questions like “Am I approachable, Am I rude and nasty, Do I ever smile (if not, why don't ya? Is it because you don’t like your smile, change that!)What am I missing that could make me feel better or be in a better spirit/mood? How’s my spiritual walk, am I consistent? What’s my purpose, what am I doing to contribute or fulfill it? How can I be a better person, what habits do I need to change? When reflecting, you have to be real, raw and authentic with yourself! Get yourself together!
These are a few good tips to start tapping in more to your femininity! Being independent is amazing, trust me! But when you are in a relationship, you can not always be independent to where you “don’t need a man!” Everyone needs someone honestly. God knew that Adam would need someone, a wife, so he created Eve from his rib. So everyone needs someone! Eve was created to be the receiver, the nurturer, his other half/helper. No one is to be alone.
We just need to focus on the person in the role of the feminine needs to be softer, more nurturing, able to receive love and support, and able to give it as well. Stop being so hard and guarded. Most of the time when folks are guarded and hard is because they were once hurt. They were soft and vulnerable and someone took advantage or hurt them. All of that is just a cycle, they hurt the other person because they were hurt. As the saying goes “HURT PEOPLE HURT PEOPLE!” That may come from childhood trauma or trauma from past relationships. At the end of the day, we need to just heal, break the cycle, and become the best version of ourselves!
Happy Healing Loves!
-Chassidy
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